Welcome to the first official daily post, which will show up under the new monthly tabs throughout the course of 2025, for the sake of organization, and your convenience.
I have to be honest, if you're still reading my daily blogs, after seeing my 3 part introductory posts, I feel a little sorry for you. Not near as bad as I feel for myself, though, as my life must be pretty damn dramatic to entertain the handful of readers who are seeing my blog.
Anyways, in my last blog post, I seemingly made my decision to give C.B. the chance that he has definitely earned from me, by the way. However, I go back and forth considering, is he even a real option? Or does he want me to believe he is, and then gain a couple of dates out of it, and then never talk to me again? Somedays I don't hear from him until like 2 in the afternoon, with the last words exchanged between us being at 11:30 p.m.
Now, this is not something that I can talk about with him yet, because we are not in a relationship. There is no commitment yet, we don't owe each other any kind of explanation about any of the goings on in our lives. Not just yet, anyways. This is why I am insanely hesitant about giving him the chance. The level of uncertainty is bizarre. Yet I'm still more likely to give him a chance than I would Jay, if he did pull his head out of his ass anytime soon.
The whole Jay thing pisses my ass off. We were supposed to be friends. And at this point, Jay ain't even treating me like more than a close acquaintance. He is such a fucking dick. Who lacks all fucking consideration for how his actions might affect me and my feelings. A solid example to support this claim would be his whole plan to move to Minnesota without so fucking much as a heads up.
When he had told me multiple times that we are more than friends. That we weren't just friends. Today, I am really starting to think he never gave a shit about me at all. That he never cared about me. That he never liked me, or wanted anything to do with me. He lacks all the common courtesy to just be fucking honest with me, when he told me several times, CORRECTION. LIED!! to me several times, that he has never lied to me or withheld the truth from me.
It is taking every ounce of strength I have left in my body not to just remove and block Jay from my life in every fucking way possible. But I don't suppose there is any way of me doing that, where I wouldn't come off as an insensitive mother fucking bitch who cut off someone, who I am ENTIRELY certain, despite all the fucking red flags, needs me. Well. Ha. I would sure as hell love to think that, wouldn't I?
There is a huge fucking part of me that is gravely concerned as to how Jay might handle it if I officially broke the news to him that there is officially someone else. Especially when I spent the better part of 2 years swearing to him that there is no one else. That I love HIM. That I want HIM. With the level of stress he is under, how he refuses to open up to me about anything. I am deeply concerned where his mental health may stand. Considering all of the "What-ifs" makes me sick to my stomach.
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