Greetings beloved bloggers,
UPDATE ON THE CASUAL CONVERSATION EXPERIMENT:
# DAYS INTO THE EXPERIMENT: 4
# CONSECUTIVE DAYS WE CONSISTENTLY SPOKE: 4
OFFICIAL DAILY UPDATE:
So, C.B. and I didn't do too much talking today, we exchanged a couple short words, but it doesn't feel like there is much to say while he is on vacation. However, we exchanged a handful of selfies consistently throughout the day, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy some of the pics he sent me.
Now, now. Nothing dirty or sexual, mind you. Just some of the expressions on his face. I've mentioned several times that I love his smile, because I genuinely do. His smile makes me smile, and kinda warm and fuzzy inside, you know, the effect that a crush can have on you.
I'm hoping that one or two of you might actually understand what I am trying to say, when I say this, and not think I'm crazy. Unfortunately, I can't think of one way to put this, in my head, that DOESN'T sound crazy, so maybe I am.
Maybe it's all in my head, maybe it's because I spent a lot of time thinking of C.B. lately, but some of his selfies, idk, it felt like he was looking right at me. Some of them he was smiling, some of them based on his body language, it almost looked like, what's the word? Awe?
I told you, I'm going crazy. He has told me a couple of times, that he likes me, correction, like likes me. Now I have spent how much time contemplating his saying that, and how he's waiting for me, among many other things. If I am not going crazy, if he really was looking at me that way, well. It's a first. Not to the best of my memory, has any man looked at me with that expression on their face.
It did something to my heart. It made me smile against my free will. Which has me wondering... am I beginning to move on from Jay once and for all? Maybe I have been overreacting to Jay the entire time? Maybe the overreacting was a result of my being scared that I am moving on? Another question. If I talked to Jay, about how another man has this effect on me, would it make him jealous? Would it make him realize he wants to be with me?
A huge part of my heart has told me for the last how couple years, that I'm meant to be with Jay. But what if it's wrong? Maybe I allowed myself to settle for the idea of the first man who made me happy. Who made me feel anything. Hell, I know that I did. But I believe there is more to it than just that. There was a strong connection between me and Jay, and a certain ease between us, when it came to conversation.
Today there has been more of a fight between Jay and I, than anything else, but tomorrow, I fully intend to try and make things right. To allow myself to lean a little closer towards C.B. Nobody can predict the future, and I definitely don't expect or believe that C.B. and I would be the happily ever after couple. At least not right now. But if C.B. is serious about not wanting casual with me, if he isn't joking with me like that, I fully intend to give him a real chance. Take it a day at a time and see what happens.
All I know is, C.B. has been doing things to me lately, and I'm not sure how or why, but I do know that I don't not like it.
Anyways, for tonight, I do believe that is all I have to share with you all, but as always thank you for all the support and reading, even if it is just to pass time by; with a total lack of genuine interest. I still appreciate all of you nonetheless.
Anyways, until the next post,
Yours truly,
Britlit L.A.
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