Sunday, March 23rd, 2025

Welcome back, my loyal blog-worms,

UPDATE ON THE CASUAL CONVERSATION EXPERIMENT:

# DAYS INTO THE EXPERIMENT: 6

# CONSECUTIVE DAYS WE CONSISTENTLY SPOKE: 6

OFFICIAL DAILY UPDATE: 

There isn’t much to share on the news front today, C.B. came back from Georgia, we exchanged a handful of selfies. He called me out on having, and I quote “Desire in my eyes,” to which I replied that he must be crazy, that I was looking at him the way I always do. Our conversation stemmed into something a little more intimate from there. 

I didn’t hate it either, I told him, I like the way he talks to me, because I do. He talks to me in such a way that just heats me up, and doesn’t feel entirely degrading either. We didn’t talk for too much longer after he landed, I suspect he might have been too tired and went to sleep. Again, I can not say this enough, I will not pry into his life, it is none of my business as we are not dating at this point.

If he explained himself tomorrow morning, I think I would tell him just that, so he recognizes I’m not the entirely clingy, expectant girl some guys get stuck with. Though, not that I would say this to him, a very selfish and needy part of me inside, would deeply appreciate it. Just the fact that any man felt so strongly about me, to the point to apologize for something that generally doesn’t require one.

On the Jay front, there is not too much to tell either, I’m feeling pretty sore and passive aggressive with him. Deep down, I truly want him to stay in my life, and be a huge part of it, physically. Not just digitally.

But everything with Jay is challenging right now, because I do not have platonic feelings toward him, my feelings are far stronger than that. Right now, I recognize the only way Jay and I can move forward, is if I take the first step in moving forward. By my potentially dating another man, it could help put a lot of things into perspective for him, maybe he’ll figure out what he really wanted with me.

I know from several conversations that we have had, since we’ve known each other; he doesn’t have just platonic feelings for me either. He has been burned a few times by women, which may or may not have fucked up my chance to prove him wrong. But my theory is, that’s why he’s been too flaky about us doing anything period.

Don’t get me wrong, I am still terrified about pursuing things with C.B., but if we go out, he is getting a real chance before we decide whether it’s going anywhere or not. If we end up in a relationship, and we are happy, and working out, and there are possibilities for us down the road; there is no way in hell I would leave him for a man that may just end up flaking on me all over again. 

And just for the sake of clarification, if I go out with C.B., it will not be with the intent of making another man jealous and come to his senses about me. A very rotten part of my heart does hope that it would make Jay jealous and come begging me for a date, but the purest, most caring/considerate part of my heart, just wants him to be happy. That hopes, should C.B. and I end up in a relationship, we are happy, and build something strong and trustworthy like what I had with Jay.

That just wants everyone involved in this seemingly, less and less of a love triangle to end up happy. To get what they have long wanted and deserved their entire lives. 

From the way C.B. talks to me, I go back and forth sometimes, but I think we have more in common than I initially thought. That there are possibilities with him. That we could potentially build something good, if we did go down the road of having a relationship.

Anywho, thanks for reading, that is all I have to say for todays update, and as always, stay tuned for tomorrows post!

Yours truly,

Britlit L.A.