Wednesday, March 26th, 2025

 Welcome back, my loyal blog-readers.

For the time being, I am going to put the conversation "experiment" with C.B. on a temporary hiatus. We spoke a little bit today, but he said he's still a little exhausted from the wedding and other things going on in his life right now. Don't get me wrong, he was in no way being a dick about what he was saying, he was just explaining his current situation, and at the same time not wanting me to get the wrong idea.

So I have made the decision today, that conversationally speaking, I will give him some space, but I will reply if he starts a conversation with me. If he sends me snaps on snapchat, I will reply as well, but I'm not going to try starting them if he has clearly got a lot going on. Maybe things will change in the coming weeks, as the semester comes to an end. 

Back on the Jay front, today, it took a little while, but it seems like we have actually agreed on where to hang out! Which brings us to the next order of business:

• Location: Hanging out at my place
• Activity: _TBD_
• Time:
• Day:
• Things to avoid:
• Notes to Britlit:
•  
• 
  
• Additional details:

Tomorrow, we are going to be deciding on the activity-- what do we want to do when he comes over, it can be as simple as just watching tv, or chilling outside and talking, maybe just going for a walk or a drive (depending on the weather)! These are all some simple ideas I will run by him, and to be honest, this might be the easiest part for us to plan out. The hardest part overall is going to be deciding on the actual day that this is going to happen.

When it comes to Jay, I know it is going to take baby steps, I said it last night, and I am going to say it again and again. One thing at a time. Then I am going to give him the opportunity to be open with me, about the type of thing that might make him uncomfortable, so we can avoid it. Just having one aspect of the day agreed upon, is a huge deal to me, a relief even. I'm starting to regain some of my faith in him, which sounds bad, but being flaked on does a number to one's self-esteem (haha!)

So there is real progress happening with Jay, and I am really happy now. For the time being, I am going to focus on him, and not so much C.B. If he had or has any interest in me, then he can figure that out, and then reach out to me, but I'm not going to throw myself at him and give him the idea that I'm desperate. From how it sounds to me right now, he really doesn't have too much room in his life for a relationship with me, that maybe he has just enough for his close friends, and the periodic chat with me.

I am in no way upset, or irritated, or anything with C.B., he is in the process of making a life for himself, and I 100% admire and respect that. All I really want for anyone involved in this "Love triangle", is just for all of us to be happy, whatever that might look like for each of us. In my case, I am still convinced that maybe Jay is what that would look like for me. 

I am convinced that Jay needs me: he needs me to fight for him, to be patient with him, to be understanding of him, and he needs me to prove that we are different. That if he gives us a real chance, he can have the relationship he has always deserved. A woman who will love him no matter what. Who will always be by his side, through thick and thin. Who will love him so much, that he'll forget all about his past heartbreaks, that he'll even come to appreciate them, because they would have brought us together.

If my being happy means being with C.B.? Well, I still don't really know too much about him, and I'm not really sure if he would want to open up about his past or whatever. But he would get that same level of dedication and commitment. Seeing who my parents are, I don't think that I will ever be the woman who would sleep around with any man who gives me the chance. If things are solid and decided between me and Jay, or me and C.B. the other guy will know, and nobody will be hurt, or cheated.

Well, at least no more than they might be, when the time comes that they figure out how things will unravel. But my hope is, dumb as it may be, that one of them is pulling a evil joke on me, and I decided right, and chose the sincere one, in which case absolutely nobody gets hurt.

Well, that is all I am going to say for tonight, there will be another update tomorrow, so stay tuned! As always thank you for reading, and for the support (as if it actually exists lmao!) 

Yours truly,

Britlit L.A